How will I look after my baby's been born?

After childbirth you will either look like this:





















or this:
























Depending on whether you:

- Are Tess Daly, someone else famous or a civilian
- Have a nanny, personal trainer, gym membership, private swimming pool or the use of Elton John's house
- eat pies and cakes mainly or egg white omelettes and vegetables
- love being a mummy so much you can't wait to complete your book on the subject to tell the rest of us where we've been going wrong all these years OR really would rather eat than face up to the reality that is the next few years without sleep, a break or much sex